what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
