i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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