i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
