well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
