I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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