So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
