No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
