just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I lost the right to judge tonight
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
