Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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