im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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