I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
