i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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