i just wanna soil my oats bro
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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