i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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