I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
