i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He called his prostate his "boner button".
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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