There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Randomize
