she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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