You made me cry and you don't even care
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
