just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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