the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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