Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
