I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
