when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
