ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
