your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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