are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
