So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
