Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
