I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
