Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i now understand why vodka
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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