White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
