he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
