Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
