No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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