if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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