Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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