Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
