I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The adults are the big ones right?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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