I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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