is your mom at the bar?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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