i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
