and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
