things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
