you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
