Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
