quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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