i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
