She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
