It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
