Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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