i would punch a child for taco bell
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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